you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
