I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
