K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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