I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
