You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just tell him i said nine months
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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