I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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