Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
