I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
