You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
