He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
