You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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