I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
