"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
