im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize