I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
