i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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