i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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