This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
