D3 body, D1 cock
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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