i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
