No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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