It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
