I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
