She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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