my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Randomize
