Soap is not a condiment
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
