I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
