Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
