bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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