every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
