The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
