my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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