How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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