Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
In America we eat man semen.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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