This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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