After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
bring money and cleavage
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
