I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
