my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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