so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize