I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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