I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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