My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
