we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
