I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
