I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
this hospital has no fireball
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
