well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
