I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
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