We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
