just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
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and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
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I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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