Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
