Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
