Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
