If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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