This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
