I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
