Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
