Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
