I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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