you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
