She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
