he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
