You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
