I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
